How Not to Organize a Funeral

     Marble Bar, in the Pilbara of Western Australia, has a reputation for being the hottest place in the nation. Just the same, there is supposed to be a hotter place, but it is not considered tasteful to raise the matter at a funeral.

     The "BARS" reputation though was upheld at a recent burial for the coffin was plainly labelled "HELL." "No need to have labelled it," observed a mourner meaningfully.
     "Course not," replied his mate, "all th' world knows where Tim's goin'!"
      The explanation was simple. There hadn't been enough timber for the coffin so the end was knocked off a Shell petrol case - so was the "S".

Reference: Ion L. Idriess (1932), Flynn of the Inland, Angus & Robertson (pp 192-3) of the 25th [1946] edition.

Tarantula Schnapps

Don't Try This at Home!
     Uzbekistan, 1920, and the Red Army was advancing on the great city of Bukhara. And some of the fiercest resistance was encountered at a certain caravanserai. Finally, it was bombarded into surrender, and the caretaker dragged off to a Revolutionary Tribunal. Well, he thought, this is the end of the line. My life is forfeit in any case, so I might as well go out in style and tell them everything. Have you heard about the missing caravans? he asked. Laden with gold, turquoise, carpets, silks, wool, corn, and weapons, they would be observed setting out, but never reach their destination. The Russian governor in Tashkent and the Diwan Begi of Bukhara made enquiries, but they appeared to have simply vanished into thin air. Well, he announced, I was responsible.